Saturday, 24 February 2018

The worst you could do

It wasn't meant to be. I knew that it will all be the same. You don't realise how messed up you did to me. And you didn't care how fragile I was or anyone else was. You screw things up and started to act like as if nothing happens. For some reasons, I thought maybe just maybe, you could've just said you were sorry about the things you have done. But you didn't. I was there waiting for you at the exact time you lie to me before. I was there waiting until you found someone else to heard you out. You keep waiting and waiting. Until you have another reason to came to me. There is always a reason. Tell me why...

I can't listened  to the song I used to listen because we used to listened  it together. I got carried away with my mind when I am alone. I can't go to the places we used to go because it freaking hurts me every time. It all reminds me of you. I wonder how are you doing? Are you happy now that you get to do the things you can because you're single? Did you cried all night? Was I even important to you? This is really tiring. I questioned myself over and over if  I've done anything wrong. I just want to know.. 

I was burning myself
You were letting me burned  myself into flames
I needed you 
You didn't needed me

And I burned into ashes
You leave me alone where I was burned
And I let you walked away

You said you were sorry before you left me
I said it was okay
And just like that, my heart shattered.

Monday, 13 November 2017

Are you okay ? (3)

Chapter 3 : Someone

I met them . They were very dear to me. I like them a lot. I can't tell you who they are but, you will know it soon.  It was just last year, when we first met. I couldn't say anything to them because I was just a regular person. They must like someone that is 'cool' enough to be with them. I was just trying to be a good friend and they were trying more than that. They knew what was going on. I made a choice and left someone else behind. I left two people behind because I wanted to be with them. Things were okay. It was all happy and butterflies in your stomach until a few months, they slowly changed into someone you thought they wouldn't be. They stepped on the line that I created. The line that had limits and boundaries. They did not care about how hurt I was. And now, they are going to regret it. Because sooner or later, I will disappear from their life.But until then, I just hope they would appreciate me better now. Because I'm leaving soon 

Saturday, 30 September 2017

Are you okay? (2)

Chapter 2: Lost

I was thinking about killing myself lately. Maybe because I was so damn stress and sad all the time. It makes me really wanted to run away from everything. Literally everything even the things or people that makes me happy. I learnt that no matter how hard I tried to pleased everyone, they will keep hurting me. 
They make promises that I wish they would just say they can't. They didn't even try to at least make me less sad. I was crying all night thinking what went wrong. What made them change so fast? I was hurting and no one cares. No one bothers to care. 
As no one cares or asked, I tried to distract myself and became busy but at the end of day I still cried thinking about everything that went wrong in the first place. Wish they would be understanding than judging me.
 I listened to sad songs more now. Would anyone ever be there to understand me? treat me better? or even tell me they regret on how their behavior is changing me slowly? I wish there was. Because now, I'm gone. I'll disappear from their sight. I will be gone from this cruel world. No one will miss me anyway. If there was anyone who love me, care for me ..
 Thanks for existing but you do realize, you're just the same like everyone I ever knew. The biggest scar I could give to everyone is my death. I'll die and you will know why and how.  I would leave everyone that knew me a note and from that, it'll be the last time you ever receive something from me. 

Wednesday, 27 September 2017

Monday, 28 August 2017

Just for you

How are you so good at knowing things about me? It amazes me how perfect you are. When I first met you, I thought you didn't want to be my friend. We didn't talked to each other or even smiled. You would just walked right pass me and I wouldn't even notice you beside me. At the end of the year, we finally said something. 

You are very charming in so many ways. I would tell you everything and anything you wanted to know about me. I love how your hair is regardless of how it changes from time to time. You're a great listener. You make me feel safe and how you know how to make me laugh when I'm sad. Trust and loyal is important, I'm glad you have both of it. 

I said to you that I would do anything for you and I did. You're not good at controlling your emotions but it's okay. I find it very cute and scary at the same time. I still can't believe how you're so good to me. I'm lucky to have you. I hope you would stop over thinking about me having someone else because I don't have anyone else except you. I'm sorry for making you worried about me. 

I am sorry for all the wrong things I did when we are out together. Just know that I love everything about you and that you have no flaws at all. For me you are everything that I can't imagine. You're one of a kind ( this is so cliche) but it's true. I have never fall hard as much as I fall for you. You make me melt and I hope you don't make others melt too --''. I love you from the bottom of my heart.

Open my eyes


Wow. This is really unusual for us to do. I thought you were different from others. I thought you weren't gonna do the things you weren't supposed to do. But you did it anyway. Did you did it because of something else? Or was it because you thought I wanted it too? I just want everything to be the way it was before. Funny how I'm the one that said yes and regretting not saying no to you. What happened? Nothing happened ... and it never did. For once, I regret doing the things that leads me to something I'm avoiding. Yup. I should just said to you . " Stop",  " You don't have to do this" or " Is this really what you want from me". Nevertheless, I did it . We did it. And it was good. Fun. Amazing. But I regret it. I regret knowing who and what you really are. I hope we can stop making silly things in the future. I hope you take a moment a realise how messed up it is for you and me.  

But .. 

Saturday, 15 July 2017

Another story

Hey, it has been a while right? I just kinda got a little busy with life lately. Fixing things, I mean I'm just adjusting things if you get what I mean.  What I want to do right now is just lay in bed , listening to some music and never get up. But I can't anymore. Sucks. Okay, back to the real topic.. Another story. Enjoy.

It was nice meeting you. It was nice seeing your smile again. I miss you for so long. I tend to stalk all of your social media because I want to know your updates. I miss how we used to be. Walking together to school and just hanging out at Starbucks or the time where you and I like to just walk around the mall and eat suhsi together even though I kinda hate suhsi but I ate it anyway because you like suhsi. I wanted to tell you how much you meant the world to me but It was all gone until she came along. She was everything a guy would ask for. And so did you. I was heart broken by it. How you told me you wanted her . The way you tried so hard to get her attention. You never did that to me. Am I too different for you? Why can't I just tell you that I love you? Maybe I'm afraid.. I'm afraid that if I told you what I really feel towards you.. You wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. And you'll keep your distance. Because I am just a simple guy . And I know, it will be akward if we be something more than usual.