Monday, 13 November 2017

Are you okay ? (3)

Chapter 3 : Someone

I met them . They were very dear to me. I like them a lot. I can't tell you who they are but, you will know it soon.  It was just last year, when we first met. I couldn't say anything to them because I was just a regular person. They must like someone that is 'cool' enough to be with them. I was just trying to be a good friend and they were trying more than that. They knew what was going on. I made a choice and left someone else behind. I left two people behind because I wanted to be with them. Things were okay. It was all happy and butterflies in your stomach until a few months, they slowly changed into someone you thought they wouldn't be. They stepped on the line that I created. The line that had limits and boundaries. They did not care about how hurt I was. And now, they are going to regret it. Because sooner or later, I will disappear from their life.But until then, I just hope they would appreciate me better now. Because I'm leaving soon 

Saturday, 30 September 2017

Are you okay? (2)

Chapter 2: Lost

I was thinking about killing myself lately. Maybe because I was so damn stress and sad all the time. It makes me really wanted to run away from everything. Literally everything even the things or people that makes me happy. I learnt that no matter how hard I tried to pleased everyone, they will keep hurting me. 
They make promises that I wish they would just say they can't. They didn't even try to at least make me less sad. I was crying all night thinking what went wrong. What made them change so fast? I was hurting and no one cares. No one bothers to care. 
As no one cares or asked, I tried to distract myself and became busy but at the end of day I still cried thinking about everything that went wrong in the first place. Wish they would be understanding than judging me.
 I listened to sad songs more now. Would anyone ever be there to understand me? treat me better? or even tell me they regret on how their behavior is changing me slowly? I wish there was. Because now, I'm gone. I'll disappear from their sight. I will be gone from this cruel world. No one will miss me anyway. If there was anyone who love me, care for me ..
 Thanks for existing but you do realize, you're just the same like everyone I ever knew. The biggest scar I could give to everyone is my death. I'll die and you will know why and how.  I would leave everyone that knew me a note and from that, it'll be the last time you ever receive something from me. 

Wednesday, 27 September 2017

Monday, 28 August 2017

Just for you

How are you so good at knowing things about me? It amazes me how perfect you are. When I first met you, I thought you didn't want to be my friend. We didn't talked to each other or even smiled. You would just walked right pass me and I wouldn't even notice you beside me. At the end of the year, we finally said something. 

You are very charming in so many ways. I would tell you everything and anything you wanted to know about me. I love how your hair is regardless of how it changes from time to time. You're a great listener. You make me feel safe and how you know how to make me laugh when I'm sad. Trust and loyal is important, I'm glad you have both of it. 

I said to you that I would do anything for you and I did. You're not good at controlling your emotions but it's okay. I find it very cute and scary at the same time. I still can't believe how you're so good to me. I'm lucky to have you. I hope you would stop over thinking about me having someone else because I don't have anyone else except you. I'm sorry for making you worried about me. 

I am sorry for all the wrong things I did when we are out together. Just know that I love everything about you and that you have no flaws at all. For me you are everything that I can't imagine. You're one of a kind ( this is so cliche) but it's true. I have never fall hard as much as I fall for you. You make me melt and I hope you don't make others melt too --''. I love you from the bottom of my heart.

Open my eyes


Wow. This is really unusual for us to do. I thought you were different from others. I thought you weren't gonna do the things you weren't supposed to do. But you did it anyway. Did you did it because of something else? Or was it because you thought I wanted it too? I just want everything to be the way it was before. Funny how I'm the one that said yes and regretting not saying no to you. What happened? Nothing happened ... and it never did. For once, I regret doing the things that leads me to something I'm avoiding. Yup. I should just said to you . " Stop",  " You don't have to do this" or " Is this really what you want from me". Nevertheless, I did it . We did it. And it was good. Fun. Amazing. But I regret it. I regret knowing who and what you really are. I hope we can stop making silly things in the future. I hope you take a moment a realise how messed up it is for you and me.  

But .. 

Saturday, 15 July 2017

Another story

Hey, it has been a while right? I just kinda got a little busy with life lately. Fixing things, I mean I'm just adjusting things if you get what I mean.  What I want to do right now is just lay in bed , listening to some music and never get up. But I can't anymore. Sucks. Okay, back to the real topic.. Another story. Enjoy.

It was nice meeting you. It was nice seeing your smile again. I miss you for so long. I tend to stalk all of your social media because I want to know your updates. I miss how we used to be. Walking together to school and just hanging out at Starbucks or the time where you and I like to just walk around the mall and eat suhsi together even though I kinda hate suhsi but I ate it anyway because you like suhsi. I wanted to tell you how much you meant the world to me but It was all gone until she came along. She was everything a guy would ask for. And so did you. I was heart broken by it. How you told me you wanted her . The way you tried so hard to get her attention. You never did that to me. Am I too different for you? Why can't I just tell you that I love you? Maybe I'm afraid.. I'm afraid that if I told you what I really feel towards you.. You wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. And you'll keep your distance. Because I am just a simple guy . And I know, it will be akward if we be something more than usual.

Saturday, 11 March 2017

Dear Diary

Dear diary, 

     it's been a while right? I haven't been writing you lately. Well, here I am. 1:15 AM  .. writing something that's been in my head for while. Might as well talk about it now. Things got intense. Mentally of course. I don't understand why these things keep happening to me. To think about it I liked the way it was before then now. My friend was right. He's always right. I should've listen to him but I didn't. Everything changed. When I remembered it all, I felt a weird feeling and sometimes it keeps bothering me. I didn't liked it but I kept the feeling to myself. No one is really there. There never was. I missed everything that used to meant something special to me. I felt a huge rock has land on my chest. The pain, the tears and everything I didn't want came back. I didn't want it to happened but yet I did it . But why do they force me? Why did they make me do things I don't want? Why are they being so selfish ?? I hate it. It feels like they're giving me a burden in my life again again and again. Why can't they understand me? Instead they made me do things I wished I didn't. 

But I blame it all on me. It's my fault. It's funny how people can talk so easy when they don't feel what we feel. I felt the pain but others felt more than the pain I felt. I regret everything. Every moment I spent happily... I regret it. I had no place to hide. So, I made a place. That place will be my world. Only people I accept will see my hiding place. I don't want them to know. If they know, I'll lose my place. It's funny how I'm running away when they should be the one..running away and move on with their life. I used to have crushes. I had to lied so people won't know whose my real crush. Who knew will be my crush too. Nobody knew who. They only knew who I want them to think who it is. I want to lived freely. They keep me inside. I want to get out. I'm not allowed to go outside. I'm not allowed to asked for help or even say hello to anyone I want. I'm scared.. help me. 

Relationships are so beautiful in the beginning. It makes you feel you're at a place you've never been before. It makes you feel you're in space for some reason. Well for me at least. I loved it and I miss it. I miss everything but what can I do? Just do nothing. I'm tired..but never of you.

 We were young and bold,

We were everything we wanted for each other,

But who knew,
You and I became stars.

You and I became a part of the universe.

Just like how you became a part of me.

Now, you and I are like thick smoke..

So thick and white.. and at the end..

Monday, 6 March 2017

Sorry ~

sorry. Sorry for everything I've done.

It's not okay right? I'm sure you struggle a lot. Watching me behaving like that. I'm sorry. Sorry that if you seen me change slowly from time to time. Sorry for not paying enough attention to you. Sorry for being someone I am not. I didn't want it to be like this. I thought it was just temporary but it wasn't. They became part of my life too. And I wouldn't want it to end. They've gone too far. They know I can't but they still pretend everything's okay. I too felt sad and somewhat stress about it. I just want everything to be back the way it was but I know it's impossible. I tried to make them understand my sitution but they were against me. I tried. I did. But I just hate it when people I love are against me. I did it once and the person accept it. Will it be the same if I told them as well?  

I don't want to hurt you ... tell me if you're hurt... I'm sorry... sorry for everything.. I wish people understand more rather than trying something they shouldn't. 

Tuesday, 24 January 2017

Are you okay?

Me. I am who I am. Nobody needs to know who I am. I am not a famous person that needs to share everything to the world. Although I do share how something annoys me on social media. But for real, nobody needs to know anyway. But somehow, I would like if some people like my friends or someone I am close too knows me as well as my family knows me the best. For some reasons I'd like to keep everything low about my life but at the same time I'd answer questions when people asked me. I just really don't like people asking so much question but here I am, writing this when I know someone might read this. It's best if I keep writing you then left you on the shelf until everything became really dusty. 

Chapter one: It Doesn't Matter

It wasn't necessary. It never was. I don't want to grow up. It scares me to know that humans are more scarier than ghosts. As I grew older, I'm begining to understand why most people enjoy being alone. Or even not having too many friends. I like how it's raining and that very moment you are listening to music. And sometimes it makes you think whether you deserve to be treated that way by some people or  just thinking what might happen to you in the future. Sometimes it makes me wonder how people can meet and at the end became something they never expected. It's quite amazing. But for people like me, I don't think it'll happen to me. If it did then I'm shock to actually exprience it. Someday, people will find it amazing to just being able to express themself. But, there's more to that. Like how people define themself more than other people. It's not wrong though it might be annoying. I don't like that kind of people. It's sickening the world. What's more worst than this world is that the cruel people that lives in this world. 

Nobody asked to let them be that way. No one ever did. They made that choice by themself and sooner or later.. They'll regret .

Friday, 20 January 2017


Hey there stranger. How are you? If you ask me then I am fine. If you didn't it's okay, I just wanna let you know anyways.  You. yea, you. It was lovely to meet you. It's fun to know you have the same interest as me. I like you and adore you. You are like my family to me. But it's not only you. There are other people that I really apreciate in my life. Let's start with you.

 You are one of a kind. You have an amazing voice and it truly gave me the chills. I love you so much and I'm glad that we're best friends . You are pretty and beautiful. Even if you say you're not, You still are beautiful. You teach me when other friends take advantage of me. You were there when I needed you. I'm sorry if I hurt you in any way. I still and always want you to be my friend. And it doesn't matter how you look. Someday, you'll find the person that will accept you for who you are. 

Hey. You're looking as great as ever. Remember that time where you texted me properly and afterwards made me feel great. YEAP! It's you. I love you and I admired how you don't care if anyone hates you. You are mean and sometimes ( well always) cruel and It hurts sometimes but  it's okay. I accept you for who you are. I can see how you changed and how hurt you can be. If there's anything, just tell me. I'll listen.

And there you are. The one that always helps me. Thank you for everything that you've done. You always have corny jokes that are really funny and even people think you're annoying, I don't think you are but sometimes when you're in bad mood you'll hurt my feelings.You have a beautiful smile and you can sing prefectly without even trying. I like how you can sing in a really high pitch even though your face is funny( sometimes). 

And you, make me smiling so much. I like how we're friends now. I love how great you're taking pictures of me. I like the way you laugh and smile. I love how you can be shy sometimes. Thank you for always making me feel me. Being myself. Without you, I'll end up being all alone . 

I love you all .